TBT

I might regret posting this later kinda already regretting starting to but I found these in my drawer, and after reading them all again I feel nothing but pain. I need to vent & this is too deep to talk about out loud. and I also want y'all to see and understand why I'm always complaining about the things guys do or not finding the right one. Some of you either went through this, will go through it, never went through it or never will.. But let me elaborate on what I been through: I was told a countless number of times that when guys get "caught up" not to really believe what they tell you when they write to you or tell you on the phone .. The reason I believed was because I was in love .. I had been in love with the same person since I was 18. I was 19 and 20 writing to him and waiting. I'm now going on 21 in a few days and I'm still alone. I never really spoke to my pops about guys before, but seeing as all these letters were coming in the mail I figured I'd explain. 

He wasn't too thrilled about the fact that I was in love with someone "in the system" but he wasn't a criminal.. He's not a criminal , so I made sure I made that clear and continued to mention this boy everyday. Whenever a letter came in, my dad would ask "how's he holding up? Is he coming out?" .  My dad isn't the type to really ask, so it felt special . That plus the letters plus the fact that this is who I've wanted since I graduated high school made everything seem so real and seem like it was going to head to a great direction. Now I'm here today typing a huge essay because he's no longer there, he's here .. But not here with me. And I'm hurt. And this is all I still think about till this day. Out of all the hurt and anger I've been pushing people away, even guys that are strictly my friends. I forced myself to fall for guys that weren't good for me only to help me move on. I always think a guy is wrong when he does something or that he's doing it to try and hurt me. I'm not gonna sit here and say I blame this guy for everything because what I really blame is the fact that I stood there and waited for love. Love is not something you force yourself to wait for, it's something that comes to you. Love is not something you fight for, it's something you automatically win. And even though I am still crying over this and still hold on to these letters (even though I honestly feel like burning them), I know one day I'll find it and I won't have to sit here and cry of sadness and write essays on how much my love life sucks. And to the dude who wrote these to me, although he probably won't see this because I took him off my social networks, I still want the best for you and I don't hate YOU. I just hate this. & I hope things are going good for you. As for me, I'll be alright. This ain't no cry for attention, it's just venting..... Most likely deleting this whenever my head clears. Well, yeah..

yo.

Let me be very brutally honest... some of y'all been constantly complaining to me that I don't answer your calls or texts or text you first or this that and the third.....

First off, if you call me during the afternoon and I don't hit you up at all after and you know we're cool, I probably didn't get your call at all because of service issues..y'all know I have SPRINT ..doesn't always work very well. If not, then you called when I was working..After work I usually go straight home and I'm tired and don't really think to talk to anyone... If you text me and I don't text you back, I'm just busy dawgs.

My point is, the people that really know me know what it is. They know I'm always doing something..I don't always just sit around all day and stare at the ceiling. I'm always out, I'm always actively doing something. I use my phone to text people when I know they are going to be around, and I call people if I really have to tell them something. I don't like talking on the phone unless we really got something to talk about or if I'm fake phone cuffing..because lord knows the struggle is real out here for us single people! Bt WAIT! Sometimes I don't even feel single because I got y'all over here acting like long lost boyfriends..complaining when you see me posting on instagram..Instagram is like my photo diary. I usually post and leave like a real IG boss..and when I'm not really doing anything is when I stay on it. So yeah..stop your complaining people. Stop accusing me of acting light skin. I'm not dubbing y'all intentionally.... for the most part anyway. Let a chick breathe!

February 10th, 2014 10:05 PM

I swear, every time I listen to Frank Ocean's 'Lonny breux' I be thinking I could sing. Really really good. It's a really great song and a really great album. It puts me into thinking zone. Right now I'm sitting on the L train.. In deep thought. So I decided to take out my phone and begin typing as I was in the zone. Unfortunately, the song ended before I could even begin typing. NP: 'Rider' - Ace Hood FT. Chris Brown ... If you show me your ambitions of a riiiiiiiiiiderrrrr! Lol. Reminds me of last semester in school because it used to be my alarm tone. I miss last semester. The BEGINNING, anyway. Things were less complicated than they are now. I find myself stuck in this huge hole now it's like.. When will I ever see the darn sun? I've been seeing darkness for a while now, mostly because I brought it on myself for not taking care of myself the way I know I should and I know I could. I just.. idk. I have so many stressful distractions. Why am I looking so hard for love? Not even love .. Just the feeling of being cherished and cared about? As my mom tells me, I should already feel that way spiritually.. ya know, with God's love. But even sometimes I feel like God himself is disappointed. Idk where my mind has took its spiral but it's spun out of control and I just need it to come back to its rightful place. I need to start being more responsible and doing what I need to do to rid these distractions. But at this point.. It's so hard! I don't believe in myself the way I should .. Urgh.. See what these damn songs do to me.. Damn, Frank, you done started this all.....

Sutter Avenue next. Till next time ...

Xoxo :*

MYOB

Really? All of a sudden Karina's business is everyone's business. And no, I don't mean the business I put out here on my blog.. because the things I put on my blog are mainly just situations of how I'm generally feeling and dealing with. No names. Rarely any exact stories. Just general things. Whatever I decide to tell people in person is stuff I feel I can tell certain people because mainly I've spoken to them a lot of times before. Cool. But I learned that even THAT'S dangerous, because even the people you think you can trust be the people running their mouth telling everyone your business. I say I don't care a lot, because a lot of the times I don't. When it comes to people's opinions or what they have to say about me, I don't care. I grew not to. But when it comes to my business being a discussion amongst people who I felt I could trust, that's a bone to pick. So now  my wall just got more sturdy. I don't trust a soul but the people who have been there a WHILE. Even then there are some things I probably won't even tell them. Unfortunately life has come to be that way. There are not some, but MANY things that are better left unsaid. Thank you, reality, for bringing new life lesson to my attention. Appreciate it .. 

Just Come Over!!!

This really had me in tears. The crazy part is, being a female, I still REALLY felt the guy's pain and point of view. I guess people don't lie when they say I don't always act like a female lmao. But theeeeenn again, I'm still a female. And y'all sometimes confuse us with your reactions to things... but nonetheless, this was COMEDY. Definitely subscribe to these guys on the tube!

Shared Secrets 101

I often, almost always, give myself the best advice...but rarely do I take it right away...

This may cause me to seem like a lunatic, but I think I talk to myself more often than I talk to anyone else. If I tell myself a certain thing enough, I finally take heed to my words and do what I gotta do. Although I must admit, it takes a while for me to listen to even myself, causing me to get caught up very easily..buuuut when I finally listen, I definitely snap out of it without hesitation. So when people tell me they don't know how I do things so easily or so seemingly without much feeling, there's the secret. Just talk to yourself about the same subject over and over..eventually you get bored of it and then get bored of the problem. Problem solved.


That was totally rina......

Totally!

xoxo :*

Silence : Every Man's Downfall.

As a female, I crave attention. No matter how much I try to act like I don't, I do. We all do. Not the kind of attention where I have to constantly be acknowledged by everyone I know, or the "center" of attention, (SN: just to let y'all know I HATE that kind of attention.. where they always ask "are you okay?" "what's wrong" or ALL EYES ON RINA Y'ALL! ..like, no.. HATE IT!!) just the kind of attention from someone I'm interested in. If I'm talking to you, or want to get to know you, I'd expect the same kind of effort I put in to talk to you right back for me. Totally harmless. "the regarding of someone or something as interesting or important" - show me that I interest you..and if we're actually talking talking, show me how important I am to you. How? Well since I am not a complicated girl and I don't really ask for much, although it may seem like I do if I'm constantly yelling at you to do these damn SIMPLE THINGS -_-..Let me tell you how

1. Texting. If we're texting, don't let the freaking time between texts be 1 hour...2 hours...3 hours . No. Keep the conversation flowing. If you're busy, tell me you're busy and just text or call me later. SIMPLE.    
2. Calling. Call me every night. If not every night, then at least enough so that I know you think about me and want to talk to me. I prefer calls over texts any day because it's so much easier to converse. I prefer late night calls, because I like the idea of falling asleep on the phone. Not so bad, right? Cause if I'm of importance, you wouldn't have to SEE if you can call me ...
3.  Chillin'. [1] Don't make me beg you to chill. << that's it. [2] If we chillin and your home boys there..I'm the type of female to let you rock. Just as long as you acknowledge that I am in the room. Don't ignore my presence and definitely do not come up to me every 20-30+ minutes to fucking poke me or kiss me..No nigga, no... Unless you playing basketball or some shit.. even then, come up to me so I can help you wipe the sweat off your forehead or pass you your water..

That's it! Attention. That's MY attention. I don't need attention to include you constantly taking me out and buying me shit. We can stay home and watch Netflix or play GTA or 2K! If you're busy, whether it's work or school or you just plain chilling with your homeBOYS...homeBOYS...homeBOYS...homeB O Y S..No problem, let me know and I'll wait for your call later on.


Speaking of ignore...let's elaborate on that.

 YOU MEN LOVE TO IGNORE SHIT. No matter what kind of shit, there's always an ignore button being pressed. Imma need y'all to toss that remote in the garbage because that shit makes us females soooooo aggy. Just as aggy as y'all get when we begin to ignore you. Tuh, thought we ain't know? Of course we know. That's why we do it. That's called the POWER of silence. However, you men just do it just because..It's like a hobby. If we're arguing, don't ignore me. Hit me with an "I don't feel like talking to you right now" and cool. But you can't always do that, you need to find a way to squash the beef later. But I'll take anything except silence. If we're not in a relationship and we're just talking, or even if we have something going on and you know I'm into you, and I hit you up and you see it... for example...

that's just a no no. After I see that 'Read' and I don't get a response, that tells me I'm not that interesting or not very important. So automatically, I get bored of your ass. That also tells me you're ignoring me, which gets me very frustrated. Therefore, when you decide to text me later, you will experience the number one thing you males do not like..and that is my attitude. Our attitudes. The female attitude.

That brings me to my number one pet peeve in the "Talking to a Male" category...

SLOW. TEXTERS. I cannot stand y'all. Do you know how hype we get when you guys text us? We're like yaaaaassss! Baby just texted. Then it turns into this...

[11:45 AM]
--------------
Hey.


                Hi boo!!

 [1:30 PM]
-------------
Wyd?

                Chillen, bored :/ you? 


[4:50 PM]
-------------
Chillen


                  Lol. [ << attitude forming ]

[10:00 pm]
--------------
Wyd babe?

                    Nothing.


Lol, still bored?

                     Mhm.

You good?

                    Mhm..

Lol hmm, okay
whatever u say

                   Yeup.

^^^^^^^^^^

WE. HATE. THAT. SLOW. TEXTING. SHIT.

Just in case you guys always wondered why we catch an attitude "out of nowhere" ...as you can see, it isn't out of nowhere. When you text slow as hell, we're just like damn.."I must not be shit.." . Especially because we can't wait to hear from you, talk to you, tell you about our day. But you don't give us a chance because the times y'all decide to talk is the time we already have an attitude because we've been waiting for decent convo all freaking day. What's the point in asking for my number if you aren't going to text me daily, and have a real conversation? That's a waste of a contact. Waste of texting space. Waste of my time. Waste of my UNLIMITED.

Silence is DEADLY. We don't enjoy it. We hate to see that read shit and not get a text back. We hate coming out of work to not a single call or text. So here's tip number 1, fellas. If you want a female's attention. Make sure you give her all the attention she needs,so she knows she's not wasting her time. As you can see, it took me a post and not a novel to tell you guys what is really expected. Not gonna front, some females are different. Some require much more. But this above is the simple things. Simple females like me don't require much, because the things you swear we require are things we can simply retrieve on our own. Good sex isn't always going to get you far. It may catch us off guard sometimes, but once we find another distraction to throw us back on the right path, your d*ck ain't shit booboo. Do not lead us on, or else you're in for a mess. We will probaby black on your ass and then tell you to kiss our ass and get bored of you and you will no longer hear from us. Then you'll spot us with the next nigga and text us again. Who you foolin.'? Just pay ATTENTION!

Tip number 2, if you NO longer want a female's attention. LET HER KNOW. If you feel like you can't talk to her in that way anymore, LET HER KNOW. Yea, Yea, Yea .."I don't wanna hurt you." Shut up. It hurts us more to continue something that's not there. We'll have more respect for you...WAY MORE RESPECT...if you would just tell us straight up, "I can't fuck with you because I have someone" or "I don't wanna do this anymore" or "Let's be friends." SOMETHING. Give us an explanation, give us closure. It really is not that difficult. 1 out of every 10 females will probably black on you. That 1 female is the most likely the immature one that doesn't see anyone else's prospective but hers..but that's 1 female is not *I* and it isn't most of us. So, speak up men. Tell us how you feel. DON'T WASTE OUR TIME! Once again, pay attention.


xoxo :*