When You Have A Selfie Stick And 62 GB

Enjoy these 51 Selfies & 6 Videos Put Together. Powered By The Selfie Stick. Supported By Jenine, the 62GB iPhone 6. 

 (the selfie stick caught me off guard, LOL)

Cheers to 22!

Soooooo! My birthday did not turn out as planned (the usual).. however , it was still successful and turnt tf UP! 

I had been planning crazy things for my birthday for months. Promoters decided to call me late , and some didn't even answer my emails. The worst part about planning a party, however is — getting black people to pay their freaking share! 😫😫😫. It's craaaaazy. When we hear about a turn up .. we be like "yassss everything lit , everything a go!" but when we 'hear ___ dollars for entry' we be like like "daaaamn everything dim , looking like a no!" I understand though, the struggle real out here. However, I would have rather gotten a "no I don't have money" ahead of time rather than last minute so I could have definitely planned something different. Nonetheless, VERY last minute plans kicked in nice. I have some awesome people in my circle! I can't apologize enough about the bar not being open and unlimited OMG :-/ I will DEFINTELY make that up ! probably have a paid for party in the beginning of June and make sure everyone gets DRUNK! I got y'all ! Thank you to EVERYONE who showed up, if it weren't for y'all my mood wouldn't have been so great. I know the last minute plan switch up was a bomb drop , but y'all didn't let it stop y'all from making it ! you guys are the real MVPs n for that I definitely got y'all in June! 😉😉 Um to the people who paid and didn't show up , i will never understand that but I'm sorry you lost what you paid .. Idk what else to tell you. lol. Everyone else who didn't show , you missed a turn up! dunno what else to tell y'all eitherrrrrrr . 

And now ... PICTURES! 

( it's terrible that my bra was pushed up from my boobies half the time . so you might see these dumb extra lumps in most of these pictures. -_- note to self: #SayNoToBras)

( to be continued! switching from my phone to my computer because this is too much work...)

My story

-- Time to get deep -- 

where did time go?! I swear I always smile when I look through my photo container and see pictures like this. Guys I really hate getting too deep into my life sometimes but right now I'm so deep in thought about it, I must write it out. son..time really just flew by. I turned 22 two days ago! It feels like just yesterday I was the little girl in that picture.. not a care in the world about a damn thing but my toys, my television and my Reader Rabbit CD ROMS. life FELT sooo simple then. I say felt because .. growing older but still a little girl, although life was simple , it actually was a little complicated—only because of my family situation. I didn't quite understand it. I mentioned in my previous post what my relationship with my mom was like . When I was younger I was first raised by my grandmother. One day she took me to her close friends house (my god parents) and left me there, saying she'd come back .. but she never showed up. My god father and God mother took me in. My god mother would be in and out of the house until one day, she said she'd be back and also never came back.. for months.. leaving only me and my god father left in a one bedroom apartment. My God father had a choice to call someone up and take me out the house because he never had a child, he was never really prepared nor taught how to raise one. But he decided to keep me and take me in as his own anyway. The women in my life — my mother, god mother, and  grandmother would show up time to time for me .. my mom and grandmother would pick me up for weekends and vacations (separately) and I'd see my god mother whenever she decided to show up . my birth father was always locked up , so I really didn't know him. my god and grandmother seemed to only care about drugs more than me. my mom was just going through it. all this stuff kind of tore me up as a kid because I would see my friends and their perfect, put-together families and then wonder why I didn't have that. I would have a lot of temper tantrums and take it out on the one guy who would literally die for me. At school, I would get teased and talked about because the person I called dad was white and not black. I would be known as the "adopted" girl or girl with the white dad. I wouldn't understand what the big deal was. I would also be teased for being skinny, and having big lips. I went to school with a bunch of white kids, so they weren't used to that.  they dead would violate and I would come home crying and taking it out on my god father. 

those temper tantrums really followed me as I got older, I grew a huge attitude! I had a very short fuse, I would give zero fucks when it came to arguing with people, and I would really wanna fight any bitch who made me feel low or powerless. I went from being a sports-active, honoroll student to a student juggling her grades and not being able to play on the basketball team. I was teased so much by the same niggas in elementary all through high school . they literally made my life a living hell. all I wanted to do was fit in the way my friends did . I went through so many phases in my life too - style wise , music wise , everything. I didn't know what or where the hell I wanted or wanted to be, I just knew I wanted to be happy with my life.

After graduating high school, I got my first real job and I glo'd up. My body was still petite but I was getting thick in all the right places, my hair was growing out after the first time I chopped it, and I was getting all the "flows" lol. I started to feel a little better about myself and learned a couple of things through my relationships at the time. I started to "fall" for different people. started to give myself up a little. but i was still content with my life.

 I lost all that shit as time flew by. I don't really know how , when and why.. I just know I lost so much weight , lost my sense of humanity .. my soul . I didn't know why I was on earth and didn't know my purpose. whenever I'd feel better and positive, shit would fuck up again. I started drinking more and giving it up to whoever I wanted to without caring . got myself caught up in college, messing with some dude who I began to grow feelings for , but he didn't give a shit.. just used me for my time n money n cause all his friends wanted me. so to get him tight , I messed with two of them. they all humiliated me cause one of them recorded and showed everyone the videos . they think I don't know, but I'm not dumb. then shit got real crazy my next semester chilling in college where I found myself almost falling for some dude who was taken the whole time and I wasn't told until after shit got real. I even knew the girl and was cool with her. anyway , one day I showed up to his friend's crib, who was dating my friend. we were all playing drinking games and taking shots until I was asked if i wanted a "special" drink made. I drank it and after that I don't know how I ended up in a room upstairs but I was, and three guys tried to take advantage of me... yes, after slipping shit in my drink. luckily I wasn't gone enough to fully allow it & was able to stop them . this is not a lie or a sob story . this is a tragic event in my life that haunts me very often. as the other one does . 

my attitude after those events was through the roof. people would think I was so happy because of the mask I would throw on , but nah — I had become insecure and depressed.  this feeling definitely had its on and off switch. I would be happy for months then sad. and this all leads to today, the reason I'm typing this. starting a year ago, I had been suffering with crazy ass anxiety and health issues. I would randomly go nuts about something bothering me , but once I calmed down it's like I'm a whole new person . however, because of my anxiety, my heart would constantly beat very quickly , speeding up my metabolism. so even if I ate a lot, I would still lose weight rather than gain. it was not only cause of that deep shit I went through ... but also what I thought would save me from that mess. I was in a relationship that I believed to be my best one because of how serious it was. I imagined spending the rest of my life with the person, and couldn't imagine my life without him. but when we would argue (which was a lot), i would literally go bananas. I would go crazy whenever I felt ignored . I would go crazy whenever I felt our friends were against me . just every little thing drove. me. crazy. like off the wall crazy. but I loved him, and I was comfortable, so although I knew we were probably not too great for each other, I didn't care . I disregarded it thinking I could change it. boy, was I a dreamer. I focused so much on the situation that I didn't even realize how much it was damaging me and my health. I wouldn't sleep, wouldn't eat, wouldn't want to go to class or work. I'd just want to stay home, curl in a ball, and stare at my phone until I got a hit up . shit was crazy. like I never understood how damaging love could be sometimes . but is it really love if it's damaging ? I don't know . I feel love has so many doors and definitions that no one can really sit here and tell you EXACTLY what it is — only what their perspective of it is. what's crazy is deep down, I knew I wasn't happy but .. I needed something more to open my eyes. fortunately, I met someone who showed me what I needed to know and pushed me to do what I needed to do. unfortunately, that someone left my life for a reason I can't get over. let's just say, not everybody takes crying well. some jump to conclusions without even knowing or wanting to know a person before they judge . they just see emotions and run. but . at least I benefited a little from it. however, it kind of hit a soft spot and has made me feel horrible ever since. so that didn't go to well.

Let's not even get to friendship. I've lost many friends over petty things.  I lost basically all my childhood best friends whom I thought would be at my wedding and baby shower in the future. All because one got seriously salty when I had to go home one day, and she wanted me to go home with her . -_- she could tell you different but I know for a fact it wasn't the fact that I got on a train that accidentally left them, but it was because who I left with . but that's another story. the point is , friendships are VERY temporary the older you get. that's why I'm happy I found a sister. my closest best friend is like family and I know she will be in my life for as long as we live. 

my reasoning for mentioning all of this is - guys, I have gone through SOOOOOOO much! you would never know with me these days because  I try to keep a positive attitude, and try to avoid having people sympathize over me and my issues. these friendships and relationships and situations helped me grow! I learned so much about myself and realized exactly what I need to change about myself . .. exactly what I need to adjust in my life in order to be satisfied. my family situation remains the same except my grand mother is clean and I talk to her a lot. My mother is married with a son and lives in another state but she hits me up every single day now. My godfather is eating healthy and living peacefully (except for when I drive his ass crazy). so it's only the same in terms of how I'm living. Now, do I want another relationship? I'd be lying if I flat out say "no, I do not." because of course I want a successful relationship. I want someone whom I can communicate with without feeling uncomfortable. someone who I can call up like "yo, let's play ball. it's nice out" . or "hey babe lets have a picnic date at the park"'. someone who I can get drunk with and go home with and celebrate some more without getting annoyed at each other. I want someone who is not afraid to tell me they love me. .or to tell anyone else they do..  someone who reassures me that I made the right decision. But until then, I don't mind being single and getting my feet wet. it's been a while since I have been completely alone , so this is going to take some getting used to. I want to take my time to get to know someone and slowly develop something. 

As for my personal being, I am watching my health wisely. I am going to finally start really taking care of myself — eating a little healthier, drinking shakes and exercising. this summer I want to be active! I don't want to spend my life drinking and smoking and partying to become numb to pain. I am proud of how far I have come, but I know there's still a lot to work on..

and that, my folks .. that is my story. (there's way more but I don't have time to write novels).....

xoxo, Rina 💋💋💋😁🌻

remember guys : it's okay to find yourself , but it's important to focus more on the recreation that comes after that. create yourself! learn about yourself and be born again. it's ok to do it more than once because, guess what that's called? Growth. 

April 16

so today is such a beautiful spring day! the weather is finally looking up :-) I'm currently on break at work, I wish I could get out right now, but I get off at 5 😐. that's still not bad, though.. I'd rather not close ! omg so you know that feeling where you just wanna buy everything in sight, just because ?! I have that craving right now for food. since it's such a nice day out .. I just want to buy a slushie and also some damn icecream ! why not, right ?! cuz I'm freaking broke! LOL my birthday is coming up next week, I have no "just because" money to be spending right now, ugh. I just want everything in site because sun and because spring❗❕ lord , let me eat... 

xoxo: Rina >> 2:08 pm

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I hate sprint. Sprint is the synonym of scam. Sprint can kiss my mini a$$ !

>> 6:28 pm

WCW

Took these photos today and noticed how much I looked like my mother. It made me happy because , well I love my mother and I want to be just like her. For years I was angry at her because I didn't understand why we weren't one of those happy families. I would see my friends roll around with their moms like best friends, and I would almost break down because I never understand why I DIDN'T have that. One time I lashed out all my feelings at her and felt so bad with how sad she was after all I said. Since I was so young I never really knew or realized what my mom was going through. She went through HELL with my father, and she went through it with my brothers' fathers. She had a few love interests, but none really made her happy. My mom went through that, plus being a nurse major she was in school and working 24/7. it's hard to do that and keep up with everything your children are doing. I get it. Also, she went through a lot with my grandmother too that I won't really get into... but I just never gave her credit when I was younger for being so strong! My mom is a warrior. Till this day, she can go through the worst and still keep it cool and go through it with a smile and a prayer. I love my mom! I want to be just like her! She's beautiful, she's smart and intelligent. She's an angel. She's there for everyone in need. People look up to my mom. They lean on her. My mom is the TRUTH. My mom is a superhero. I love you! I will never be angry at my mom for her hard work and her power. She's my queen. My woman crush Wednesday! Cheers to you, Wanda! #WandaCrushWednesday 😘😘😘

Come out, come out..wherever you are!

this is where I have been hiding. I have been making friends with my shirts and my dad's comfy sweaters. the closet is where I go to gather my thoughts and pray that once I exit I would get my life together. every time I feel like I'm there, I get pushed back. I know I sound like a depressed freak, but at this age — even when people tell you you should have nothing to stress about in your 20's — there's actually a lot to stress about. The thought of actually being an adult with a bunch of bills and responsibilities is stress by itself. Then you have the thought of everything being temporary — relationships , friendships , hair lengths and weight — just eating at you from time to time. It sucks, but it all depends on how you deal with it. I learn day by day not to let too much bs stress me out so much because it causes heavy anxiety. I have been experiencing severe anxiety for the past couple of months and it has caused sleep loss, hair loss, weight loss and other health issues. It really is no joke. But, even with all the loss, it doesn't make me weaker.. it makes me stronger. Because now I push myself to remain positive all the time because I know one of the horrible outcomes of negativity. And trust me, it is not pretty! So, sometimes this closet is not such a bad hiding spot, however .. being in here too long , you end up losing your hair and your mind. so I think I'm going to retire my closet soon. Especially because I've got a lot of blogging to do! Heh!

xoxo; Rina 💋

YO

All you people crying over being single and upset cause you want to be cute like those cute couples you see out in the street, on the train, at school, instagram..wherever.. Ya'll better listen to what ya'll grandmommas always told ya and "stop all that crying"! Don't wish for something your ass ain't prepared for. Relationships are not easy.. All that sappy shit you see on the tv screens is not what it all is..and even the people in the movies got issues.. Love isn't all roses and dandelions. I don't care what anyone says, love is indeed a sacrifice. You have to sacrifice a lot just to be the best you can be for that person. Doesn't mean it's a bad thing, the idea of sacrifice should not always be negative. But it's still sacrifice, it's still difficult. Loving a whole other human being apart from yourself— learning all their 700 different emotions, their likes and dislikes, their traits.. Learning to love all those things and accept them..AND dealing with them too? That shit is a JOB. Love will put you in a whole other dimension of emotions . You will feel shit you thought a human could never feel. You will laugh till your jaw hurts or cry till your eyes dry out. You will literally go 0-100 nigga real quick, where you're happy as shit one min, then as angry as the three little pigs when the wolf kept knocking down all their damn houses the next.. And then as sad as lil Bo peep when she lost her sheep after that. And then back to square one .. All in ONE DAY! and one day of all them emotions equals months and years worth of a fucking civil war. So never rush commitment if you are not ready to handle a real fucking nuclear bomb. And If you are ready, fucking deal with what you decided to. Instead of hopping from one bed to another like Goldie locks, make shit right with who's willing to make it right with you. Be a champ! Fuck what they say because love has no rules and certainly no boundaries. All I'm saying is be prepared for it the right way, and don't fall back because you feel a tingly weird substance in your stomach because guess what, that shit is called FEELINGS. And that tingly shit is only the beginning! So be a fucking superhero and learn to take love when it is given. And learn to take your damn time!

I WROTE THIS ON ALL MY BLOGS BECAUSE I WANT PEOPLE TO REALLY FUCKING SEE REALITY! TAKE IT FROM US WHO REALLY BEEN THROUGH IT BRUH. IF U SEE THIS POST WITHOUT MY NAME, U KNO WHERE IT CAME FROM AT THIS POINT....

over and out!